i will die by your hand
by artificial misfit
Summary: sometimes a decision, although so morally wrong...can be the only way out. Character Death


Yeah yeah I know you can shot me for not updating because I'm a stupid lazy ho with issues and too much homework and minimal motivation. My other fics are updated by as late as the end of the month...and this is a one off that came to my head after I went to a short film festival a couple of weeks ago. This feeds off one of the films I saw called 'Ash Wednesday', highly twisted, highly recommended.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters

I will die by your hand

The wind ran through his hair, taking random ebony strands along with it. The amazing scent of content inhibited his senses and made him only bury his face further into the shoulder before him. Rei felt the driver of the motorcycle stiffen before relaxing in his grip, he could just imagine that he was smiling.

Kai turned the motorbike around the final bend into the long dirt driveway, not bothering to indicate in this deserted peasant infested area of Japan. He snorted with distaste as he felt the brown dust brush his shoes and trouser ends /_shouldn't have worn black today/._As they neared their destination, he slowed the motorbike before finally stopping. The ceasing of the engine stirred the passenger who dozed with his head upon Kai's shoulder. Kai looked behind him and smiled at the two halcyon orbs staring hazily into his own. Their owner smiled back, yawning softly and stretching as he got off the bike. Kai followed soon after, kicking the stand down and moving off the bike with the same grace he had possessed when he was young. He walked over to his lover and encased his hips in his hold. They walked quietly together, pulling each other closer to one another so that from a distance, they looked like one being.

Walking up the steps Kai found that they creaked beneath their weight, the ominous groaning of the grey wood casting an eerie glow on the house that looked like it lived its peak in another century. Windows were heavily glazed over with layers of neglect, staring out of the grey, weathered wood of the house like the eyes of a blind old man. The verandah had a mass of crumpled dry leaves strewed across its blackened deck and the table and its three chairs that once stood proud in their glossy pine colours now looked withered and old, stooping where they stood.

Kai looked at Rei, who was equally appalled, how could they leave their house to such disorder? He shrugged it off and reached for the brass door knocker, who clung desperately to the door on its flimsy hinges. He banged it carefully on the mildew-infected door, worried that any sort of force would cause the house to collapse. They stood for a few seconds, both hearing the heavy footsteps coming to the door. The door opened to reveal Max who had looked like, in the last two years, he had dawned to the age of thirty.

His eyes were sunken with a morbid dullness, reflecting nothing except a hint of florescent blue in the upper corner of the iris. The corner of his mouth looked as if that had been pulled into a frown too often and the insane hairstyle of his youth sagged down the sides of his face as if it was permanently wet. Not even when he smiled in greeting did the age of his face lift.

"It's being a while guys, I'm glad you decided to visit." He gestured for them to come in, not the least bit concerned about the grim along the walls and the mess on the floor. His smile was returned only by Rei, who hugged him sheepishly when they were inside. Kai merely stood, back against the door, his auburn eyes surveying the drastic change that had overcome Max in the short period of time between now and their last visit. He listened absently as Rei and Max started talking, discussing mediocre topics such as themselves, Kai and Rei living together, St. Petersburg, the farmer living down the road, the broken tractor, anything that was avoiding the state of things surrounding them. He picked his way around the mess on the floor, being careful to avoid stepping in the many unfinished meals which still sat in their plates, probably where they were initially left. He grimaced in disgust and nudged at a bag lying open on the floor, jumping slightly as a over-indulgent rodent scurried out of it.

/_pigs/_

"This place is a fucking mess Max!" He stated loudly, turning back to where Max and Rei stood together, mid-sentence. He sent Max a questioning glare, getting a slightly different response to the one he was expecting.

Max looked at him tearfully, quickly rubbing at his eyes to be rid of his tears. He shoulders shuddered quietly as he drew in a shaky breath, "Well things have changed since you guys were last here. It's been so chaotic I have neglected the house for the past few months."

Kai folded his arms loosely across his chest, ignoring the offended glare he was receiving from Rei, "Why? What's been so important that you've turned into a bunch of farm animals?"

Rei shook his head at Kai's questions, he loved the man to death but honestly some of the things he says are so harsh! He sent Kai another killer look, which Kai continued to ignore.

Max stared long into Kai's eyes, knowing that to avoid the situation was stupid. "Come with me. I'll show you why." He walked pass both of them, signalling for them to follow him down the short hallway to the bedrooms. As they followed, Rei smacked Kai lightly in the back of the head.

"What the fuck was that for?" Kai glowered, rubbing his head slightly.

"For being an ass", Rei replied, clasping Kai's hand in his own so that their fingers intertwined, "You didn't need to be so blunt."

Kai snorted, "Oh yeah and you guys talking about the peasants who live down the road with the broken tractor was really helping the situation."

Rei scrunched his face up slightly and went to retort but was cut short when Max stopped out the front of one of the bedroom doors, which appeared cleaner then the other two they had passed.

"Go in. I'm sorry but I can't bare to go in there and see him again." Max smiled solemnly and nudged his way pass them, "Oh and also," he added turning, "block you nose."

Rei looked at Kai confused, who merely returned an identical look. Neither complied to Max's warning as they turned the door handle and stepped into the bedroom.

They instantly regretted it.

Both threw their hands to their nose as the stench occupied their nostrils. It made their eyes water, foul and leathery it refused to leave them and it smothered them to the point where Rei couldn't hold it off anymore, he collapsed to the ground and gag dryly, grateful that he hadn't eaten and no bile rose in his throat yet wishing his stomach was full so that he could dispatch

the gurgles in his stomach.

Kai continued into the room, thinking he knew what the scent was of and kind of used to it from his past experiences on the abbey. He pressed into the room, fighting off the invisible monster, his hand waving in front of him in an evasive effort to dilute the smell. He stumbled to the edge of the bed, he would have used it to stabilise his wobbling legs had he not found the source of the malodour. He was right, two many times had he stumbled across forgotten students of the abbey, left to their fate in dark, damp corners of the abbey's labyrinth. Too many times had he walked into a disregarded room to train to discover a decomposing corpse of someone he had once known. Too many times had he found the dead. He knew that smell too well, the smell of decaying flesh.

Dismissing his initial disgust he walked around the mattress until he stood to the side of the bed, in full view of the eyeless sockets of the corpse. He guessed from the amount and shape of the rotting flesh that the dead was indeed a human, and that they had been lying in their motionless abysm of death for a while, for the skin had fallen away to reveal the browned veins and yellowing muscle tissue of the unfortunate. He looked pass the partially exposed cheekbones and nose tip for any evidence of identity. He cringed and turned away momentarily, a translucent grey maggot crawling sluggishly out of the left eye socket before burying itself again under the wrinkled red of the neck muscles. Kai composed himself once more and looked back at the corpse, finally noting the round black rimmed glasses that sat on top of an almost bald skull. What hair the person had had fallen out and the few strands left had been tinted grey. Kai withdrew the glasses from the tangle of hair and held them loosely in his shaking hands, his reflection staring back at him with wet eyes.

_/Kenny/_

He dropped the glasses and looked again, this time he saw the roundness of the face, the stumpy fingers and slightly potted stomach. He knees sunk slightly yet he stayed standing transfixed by the dead body lying on the stained sheets, the exposed flesh making him seem like an occult monstrosity. Kai stepped back, queasiness setting down deep in his stomach, his mouth dry and coarse. He walked quickly to the door, never tearing his eyes away from Kenny's body as he grabbed Rei's arm and dragged him out of the room. Once out he shut the door, hesitating as he moved away from its wooden surface, his mind still playing the image of Kenny's corpse, rotting away in his infested room. An unburied dead.

Rei coughed harshly, snapping Kai back into reality. He scooped Rei up in his arms and hurried to get them both outside, the thought of fresh, unstained air making his chest swell.

"What...What was that smell?" Rei stuttered, regaining his composure and staring up into Kai's distant eyes.

"A corpse."

Kai sat Rei down on the top step of the outside entrance ignoring his questions, leaving him there to race towards Max, who stood further up the driveway with his back turned. Kai roughly pushed Max in the back, barely containing the rage he felt inside. Max merely looked at him, his eyes sad and his mouth holding a small knowing smile.

"I guess you saw him then."

Kai growled softly under his breath, "You're sick. What kind of sane person keep a rotting corpse in their house? You need to be reported and sent to a mental institution. I'd spit on you if you weren't an old teammate." He began to walk back to the house, ready to just get on his motorcycle and leave with Rei and never come back again.

He heard hurried footsteps behind and slowed, letting Max catch up to him. As much as he wanted to leave Max to his twisted insanity, he was intrigued as to why Kenny had died and never been buried, and why they hadn't been told. He wanted Max to come up to him and convince him that what he was thinking wasn't the truth, that it was merely his mind.

Max caught up and stood before him, blocking his way back to the house. Kai was surprised to see a look of complete shock on Max's face, he was expecting one of realisation. He folded his arms over his chest and nodded to Max, urging him to explain.

"It's not like that. I wanted to bury him really! I wanted to call you guys up and tell you what had happened." he sighed before continuing, "Kenny got terminally ill about eight months ago and even though I asked if he wanted a doctor he refused. He became immobile and was restricted to his bed. I went to his room one morning to give him breakfast but...he had died overnight."

"That explains nothing," he growled, no longer containing disgust, "Why the fuck is he still there? He's fucking decomposed to the muscle!"

"It wasn't me!" Max yelled over Kai, "I wanted to bury but he wouldn't let go. He won't admit that he's dead, HE WON'T LET GO OF HIS BEST FRIEND!"

Ok now Kai was confused, "Who won't let him go?" He asked cautiously.

Max slump his shoulders in defeat, "Tyson"

/_Shit I had forgotten completely about the retard/_ Kai thought, suddenly aware of the third party who occupied the house. If Kai was in a humourous mood he would have said that Tyson only counted as half a person because he only had half a brain.

Kai wasn't being cruel, he was being truthful. Several years before he remembered Tyson had received severe brain damage after he lost focus when he swerved his car to fast, causing it to flip and him to fly out of the windscreen because, of course, as Tyson he forgot to put his seatbelt on properly. His brain damage made him lose most of his speaking ability and memory, he could only remember each member of the team, but anyone else was just a stranger. Basically he returned to the mind set of a child. Kenny immediately took the role of sole companion until Max offered to move in with them in a secluded country house because the city noises scared Tyson and made him hysterical.

Just at that moment Tyson decided to emerge from his room around the back of the house, separated from the main building. From the distance Kai watched as Tyson bounded up to Rei and hugged him, yelling "Ra, Ra!" the closest he could get to Rei's name. Kai felt his stomach twist slightly in remorse for the once mature teenager, whose actions resembled more to a dog rather than a human.

"You have to take him with you"

Kai faltered at the words, turning to look at Max's sullen expression, "Where did that come from?"

"You don't understand," Max whispered fiercely, drawing closer to Kai so that he gripped the fabric of Kai's black jacket, "Kenny became ill because of Tyson. He couldn't take Tyson's antics, he began to starve to save food in the house because we only had my income to support ourselves. Tyson wore Kenny out Kai, he wore him out so much the Kenny just deteriated in his health. His hair fell out in massive clumps and he permanently suffered from impotence." His grip became stronger and stronger, until his knuckles seemed to burn white. Kai slowly pulled himself away from Max, eyeing him warily. "You have to take him back to the city, you must. I don't want to hold the same fate as Kenny." He cried, burying his tears into the sweaty palms of his hands.

"But you want us to."

Max looked up at Kai, who seethed with rage, "What? I don't understand?"

"Of course you do!" Kai spat bitterly, "Now that Kenny's gone you don't want the responsibility of the retard because you never put it upon yourself to care for him, Kenny did. You just hitched on for the ride and now that the main driver's gone you couldn't give a fuck about the retard..."

"Stop it! Stop calling him that!" Max screeched, his hands hovering over his ears.

"...you want to go back to family and ditch your responsibility on to us. In case you haven't realised we aren't in the best financial situation nor do we have a permanent residence..."

"But he's your responsibility too!" Max fired, "he was a part of the team, he was your friend!"

"Ah see, that's one thing that was always understood, Tyson and I never had a friendship nor did we intend on having one, Max."

Max shook his head in disbelief, "How can you be so callous?" He whispered.

"Me be callous!" Kai shot back, absently raising his voice higher, "You the one who wants to dump him on us."

"I'm not the only one who is there to care for him!" Max yelled, tear streaming down his face in hot choking trails. He pushed Kai back, hardly causing a stir in Kai's stance yet stunning him anyway. He went to push him again but two hands gently, but firmly, grabbed his wrists and forced them to stop midair. He choked on his sobs, forcing himself to look up into Kai's auburn eyes, which shone with an angry yet sympathetic look.

"You're the one who became his guardian, you're the one who chose to care for him. I never elected myself and neither did Rei, there was a reason behind that."

"B...but I don't think I c-could cope with him by myself." Max hiccuped, slightly leaning into Kai, his hands falling from Kai's grip to his sides.

Kai sighed, already tired of his resented visit. "Why don't you send him to a home or institute or somewhere that he can be taken care of ye professionals?"

"NEVER!" Max shot back up, his chest puffing and his eyes shining ferally, "I would die before I ever sent Tyson to an institute!"

"Well it's your only other option Max because we can't take him!"

Max's defensive stand slumped and Kai gripped his hair in frustration. From the house a shrill cry came, they both instantly recognised Tyson's pained wail. They had obviously been fighting too loud.

"Fuck it, I'm going for a walk," Kai muttered, not bothering to hear a response of Max.

Trudging back down the path after his long, monotonous walk, consisting of nothing but trees and dirt, Kai grimaced as the dishevelled house loomed into his view. /_I'm going to get Rei and take him home, I don't care if I have to drag him home. _As he neared the house he stopped in the driveway, not needing to go any further. Rei had already seen him approach and was getting up from his spot on the steps, being mindful not to wake the sleeping Tyson, exhausted from his game with Rei.

Rei already knew what was going on, he had wormed it out of Max when he had come back to the house, plus he had heard most of their argument, it was hard not to ignore their screaming. He walked up to Kai, taking his hand softly his own and rubbing it soothingly, very aware of how tense Kai was. He long, stoic strides towards the house as he had returned from his walk had given it away. Kai didn't really relax much but his face softened slightly, making it easily for Rei to ask.

"What are we going to do?"

Kai eyed him like as if he was without his brain, "You already know what we're going to do."

"Kai," Rei sighed, fidgeting like an adolescent. "We can support him, if we move into somewhere permanent and I got a better job than the one I have now..." he trailed of, lost within his flaccid argument. He watched as Kai shook his head, his eyes petulant.

"We can't Rei, we just can't. And you know we couldn't, even if we bothered we couldn't support three people."

Rei let go of Kai's hands, his eyes narrowing, "You mean you couldn't be bothered taking care of Tyson."

"Rei" Kai warned, well aware of what was coming.

"Oh come on just say it you hate him! You hate him! You would rather let him rot away in a cell in some mental institution! You want nothing to do with him do you? Admit that you hate him! ADMIT IT!"

"I don't hate him!" Kai yelled back at Rei, who cowered, "I would never hate anyone after being hated by my family all my life. I just don't want him because he would destroy everything I live for, he would destroy my job, he'll destroy my home and he'll destroy us! The worst thing is he won't know what he's doing and he won't understand if I get angry!" Kai continued, feverish in his anger, "After nothing but neglect in my life I just want to live with normal troubles, normal problems. I don't want to have to sacrifice what I want for him when he would be better cared for in a facilitated home!"

Rei realised the tenderness of the risen topic and once again, took Kai's hand in his own and stroked it soothingly. He went to apologise when he heard a small crash and a mournful wail. He turned and found Tyson less than two metres away from them, his face streaked and his whole adult body shivering. He had heard them talking and had come closer to listen. He couldn't understand many of the words but he knew who they talked about. Within his fragile mind he had seen his two friends suddenly hate him. He wailed again and turned and ran towards the back of the block, where most of the shrubbery was so high and badly maintained that it proved good for hiding.

Rei felt defeated and turned to Kai, who was watching Tyson's retreating figure.

"I think he heard what we were saying" Rei said, earning a rolling of eyes from Kai.

"Well we better go after him so he doesn't do anything stupid" Kai grabbed Rei's hand and they ran off together after Tyson.

"Tyson!...Tyson!"

An hour. They had been searching for Tyson for an hour. Rei's legs were cut and bleeding from the scraping of the spear grass and his feet were slightly sore. He looked over to Kai and yelled hoarsely, "Maybe he went back to the house. We should go back and check."

Kai didn't respond at first, "No." He said, moving towards a large weathered tank in the near distance, "We look there first."

Rei saw the tank and made his way over to it as well, pushing through the shrubs until he stood before it, its shadow providing much needed shade.

It stood eight feet tall and its bolts and joints had rusted to a point where it was no longer used. An old wooden ladder leaned against it, providing the only way to check the gauge at the top. Surprisingly it was plastic and translucent, Rei remembered it was used as a swimming pool for the previous owners, until they dumped it into the uninhabitable part of the block.

Kai walked slowly to the ladder, being careful as he made his way slowly up it, Rei watched him closely.

Kai found what he was looking for, Tyson was curled around the gauge, his eyes angry and unforgiving. "No!" He screamed when Kai reached for him, the board beneath him creaking dangerously. Kai's eyes flickered to the board, noting that if Tyson made any sudden moves the whole thing would collapse and send him into the infected water within the tank. He eyed Tyson, who stared at him, curling himself further around the straining gauge. Kai moved again, this time seizing Tyson's foot. Tyson yelped and bucked, the board gave way in a final groan as he crashed into the water.

"Help! Kai help!" he screeched, his arms thrashing in the water. Kai reached down to grab one of the flailing hands but he stopped short and withdrew. He watched as Tyson's head bobbed up and down in the green water, his navy blue hair becoming black and his dark skin glistening in the water. He leaned back from the water and stepped slowly down the ladder, taking each step like it was his final, his eyes always searching Tyson's through the foggy plastic wall of the tank. Stepping back from the ladder he moved towards the front of the tank, gripping Rei's hands as he yelled at him, screamed at him in question. He merely looked into the tank as Tyson's struggle became weaker and weaker. His grip tightened as Rei struggled to get to the ladder. He watched as Tyson came to the front of the tank, his eyes bulging and his face sickly pale amongst the mildew of the tank water. His fist formed and he banged against the tank side in desperation. His eyes locked onto Kai's, refusing to look away.

Thump

Thump

Thump

Kai let out the breath of air he had been holding, burning his auburn gaze through the glass into Tyson's now glassy eyes, still endlessly staring.

_If I should disappoint the eyes_

_that hunted, hunted so, to see,_

_And could not bear to shut until_

_they "noticed" me_1

Rei struggled, finally freeing himself from Kai's hold. He looked madly at Tyson's face and screamed a quick scream, running up the ladder as fast as it would allow him. He got to the top and grappled for Tyson's still form, tears furiously welling up in his sight. He couldn't reach him, he could see him, but he couldn't get his hand to dive down into the murk and grab him.

_/He's dead/_ Rei thought, looking at the floating teenager, suddenly marvelling the beauty of him. His navy blue hair now slick black, his bronze skin that shone like copper. Rei shook his head vigorously, dismounting the ladder and lunging at Kai, who stood where he had left him, looking in the same direction with the same expression drawn on his face.

"Why? Why didn't you help him?" Rei shoved, knowing he could never be strong enough to budge Kai but too furious to let logic cloud his vision. "You monster you could have saved him!" He pushed again but was greeted with an absent embrace, which he fought to be free of. Kai held him close as he slowly began to calm down.

They stood there forever, lost in a state of nothing, they only thing they could see was the tank, standing defeated before them.

"Why?" Rei cracked, his voice almost lost in Kai's embrace, "Why did you let him die?"

Silence greeted him, Kai stared at the tank, still seeing Tyson's eyes, stilling hearing the three desperate thumps, still thinking the same thought.

"I had to." He mused out loud, "It was the only way out."

O

Walking back to the house it was wordless, Kai stared solemnly towards the verandah where Max stood. Max nodded slowly back in understanding, waving delicately to Rei and turning towards the door, stepping back into his own oblivion.

Kai wordlessly got on the bike and started it. Rei followed, adjusting his helmet so that it fitted. As they moved off Rei hesitated to wrap his arms around Kai, instead his hands moved to the back of the bike where he leaned into the back of his seat for support. They took off slowly, riding out of the driving and turning into the main road. They said nothing, they couldn't. Instead they carried on in silence, respecting the lives of two friends they had lost.

_If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and starting acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. You keep to yourself, I'll get out of your way._ 2

THE END

1 - from 'I should not dare to leave my friend' by Emily Dickenson

2 - from 'the boy who blocked his own shot' by Brand New (listen to it!!)

ok, I can understand if you're confused. I thought it made sense but then...I was the one who wrote it. I re-read some of it and noticed that Kai's past filter's through yet it isn't explored...simply because it is a short story and I felt that attempting to answer the past and the future (eg: what would happen to Max) would lose the dimensions of the story that I felt were important...

I did try to keep them as real to the characters as I could, if I didn't then I think I'll live

I enjoyed doing that...now if only I could frickin finish these other two fics. Once again apologies. I guess I should not think about becoming a writer hey.

Read and review please!


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